Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The Mortal Danger That Today’s Campuses Pose to Blacks and Hispanics
By Nicholas Stix

At the end of rigorous, scholarly research, I have come to the conclusion that black and Hispanic students, nay, all blacks and Hispanics walking on college and university campuses today are in mortal danger.

At any given moment, any visible black or Hispanic walking on campus is in danger of being hit in the head by a framed, flying bachelor’s, master’s, professional or doctoral degree. Academic administrators take stacks of diplomas to hills on campuses across the country and, spotting defenseless blacks and Hispanics passing nearby, proceed to throw these objects at them, sometimes attacking one victim with three or four degrees at once.

Such attacks have, in fact, been going on for over 40 years. That is how victims such as Leonard Jeffries, Houston Baker, Wahneema Lubiano, Lucius Outlaw, Mary Frances Berry, Patricia Williams, et al., were forced into tenure many years ago. They were brain-damaged by the assaults on them, and thus unable to resist the professorships, tenure, and other privileges that were then foisted upon them.

Police Departments, social work agencies, and other non-profits have also taken such victims captive.

If you are black or Hispanic and are in danger of at some time walking on or near a college or university campus, it is urgent that you wear a motorcycle helmet at all times, and take pains to disguise your racial or ethnic identity.

In case you are wondering what evidence I have for my theory, I have followed the state-of-the-art postmodern method employed by the most respected academic scholarship: I reflected on what pleased me to be the case, all along ignoring the external world.

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